It’ll Get Done When It Gets Done

“Just wait ‘til you have kids!” People used to jeer at me when I was playing music out somewhere or when I would tell someone about staying up half of the night watching TV.  It was almost as if there was a level of resentment in their voice as they said this.  While I thought that I knew what they were talking about, I now know I had no idea.  During my pursuits become a full-time musician, I decided to do a solo record after the last band I was in dissolved.  It was during this time that Emma Kate was born.  Marci and I would drag her all over the place while I played coffee shops and the like, promoting my CD.  Well, after about 15 years of slugging it out, trying to be a full-time musician, I raised my proverbial white flag.  I was done, burned out.  I’m pretty sure that this would have happened eventually, but I think having my little girl sped up the process, and I’m glad she did.  I was so very unaware at how saturated the “scene” is with white guys playing acoustic guitars in Christian coffee shops.  Emma Kate’s arrival raised my awareness of this and caused me to step back and truly question what I was doing and why.  Looking at the track record of several friends with children, I was doing well to actually make it a year into the pursuit before deciding to hang it up.

Fast forward to today.  While I’m not looking to do music full time anymore, I am still pretty involved in playing; however, the hammered dulcimer rules the roost these days.  I’ve been clawing and fighting to learn some folk songs, fiddle tunes, and bluegrass standards and maybe get some of these things laid down (in layman’s terms, this means recording/producing), but it just isn’t happening.  With my new work schedule and family, it’s not getting done, and for months I’ve been really bugged about it.  But, for some reason, this week I’ve decided to just say “It’ll get done when it gets done” and not put pressure on myself to get things finished as quickly as they once did because I’ve got more important things to do, like build towers out of blocks so the kids can knock them down, read Ten Apples Up On Top…again, throw my 2 year old into a pile of pillows, listen to nonsensical knock-knock jokes, kick the ball up and down the hallway, fill up the little outdoor pool so dirt can get thrown in it, etc.  It’s not that I’m giving up; I’m just slowing down.  I had a student come into the writing center yesterday, and her paper had the following statement: “I do believe that a slow life is the best life.”  I couldn’t agree more.

If I could go back in time, I wish I could have responded to “Just wait until you have kids!” with “Yup, I can’t wait to meet’em.”